Fruition 

I’m back. After a very long hiatus I’ve come back to my beloved blog, which is in desperate need of some TLC. I was reading through my posts yesterday and it struck me; I’ve achieved all my goals for the year and I still have 3 months to go! 

I’ve started taking real photographs. In teaching myself composition and photo editing. I’ve taken great photos of local festivals, my best friend’s baby shower and my niece’s Pre-K photos. I’ll be shooting by brother and his fiancé for their wedding invites and I’m taking a long needed vacation and driving to AZ with my camera. 

I have an adult job. I do good, important work with our local hospital system. I have weekends and holidays off, I make more money and at the end of day I can leave all my stress in the office. I don’t think I’ve been more fulfilled with the work that I do. 
I’m creating. I’m creating something new everyday. I’ve started journaling as a means to remember important things, document events and work through my weight loss journey. 

Finally, I’m living a healthier life. I’ve dropped a little weight, but my lifestyle is much healthier. I feel like I’m in the right place,emotionally, to make really good and life long changes for the better. Plus, I have an awesome 5k planned for Halloween morning!

I hate when people say “just tell the universe what you want and it will happen” it’s  baloney. I put my desires out there, and made myself accountable for results. I didn’t guilt myself or make unrealistic expectations. Anything is attainable if you break it up into small enough chunks. You can move mountains, if you just take it one rock at a time. 

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On the diving board

It’s a beautiful summer day. You’re swimming around having a blast, not bothering anyone. You start to toy with the idea of using the diving board. You psych yourself up, climb that ladder, and them freeze. What if you’re making a mistake? What if you sink too far to the bottom and can’t get back up? What if you hit your head? What if you make a fool of yourself? Just as you’re about to make your way back down the ladder a bigger kid pushes you off the board. At this point you know you’re going to hit the water, only you can control of it’s a beautiful dive or a belly-flop.

I’m the kid on that board, and sometimes it feels like there’s a group of bigger kids just waiting to push me off the board. Yeah, I want to jump on my own terms, but sometimes you need that bully to push you. All I can do is make sure it’s a beautiful dive.

Lights, Camera, Action!!!

I finally bought myself a good camera to start taking photos with. I set a goal this year to teach myself digital photography and embrace my creativity again!! I am super stoked to start this new endeavor!!

Any one have any online resources I need to read before I venture out into the wild???

The Epiphany

Last year I turned 29, I made this amazing “Journey to Thirty” journal and I was going to finally have my epiphany. I just knew that this writing journal would help my figure everything out. I wrote in that journal for 8 days. You know what I discovered? I discovered that I was boring and uninspired. I sat down everyday attempting to write something profound and inspirational, and instead I felt fake and anxious. Eleven days ago I turned 30, there was no fanfare, no glorious parade, no revelation of adulthood. I woke up, took a shower, went shopping and had a great meal with the people I love.

I waited for a whole year and I learned one thing: There is no “epiphany”.

It took me 30 years to discover that there is no profound message I had been waiting for, I just needed to live. My epiphany happened while in the shower getting ready for work. maybe for some people there is a magical discovery that opens up the whole world of possibilities to them. For me, standing in the shower with soap in my eyes and listening to god knows what music (let’s get real here and assume it was TSwift), I just had this understanding that I needed to make my life happen, that people are beautifully flawed and that if I think I want something I needed to go for it.

So here’s to being 30: to trying new things, building betters habits, and actually blogging for a change!!

I’m back!!!

Happy New Year!!

Working in retail makes me really bad at keeping this blog updated. Working during the holidays is the craziest, sometimes you forget to brush your hair because you’re moving in so many directions at once. Now that the season has come and gone I can really focus on what’s important….MY 30th BIRTHDAY!! Time to start the countdown to the big 3-0!!

This time last year I thought I’d have everything figured out by now, but somehow, I’m still at the same job- doing the same thing.

I’m done floating, I’m done with uninspired life. Here’s the 2015, being 30 years old and (hopefully) finally figuring all out.

Baking Adventures! (Novemblog 10)

I sat, staring at the bananas on my counter for 4 days. They slowly deepened in color and dark brown spots began to form on the once bright skin. I’ve been contemplating their future for 4 days; should I eat them, freeze them or perhaps toss them. I grabbed the bunch and immediately decided against the purge. How could I throw away 5 bananas? I’m not a wasteful person. On the counter they sat until tonight. After 4 long days I finally made banana bread muffins, at only 3WWP+ each, these will be an awesome addition to any day, as long as Chris doesn’t get his paws on them!

8 Things (Novemblog 9)

1. Thankfully I never intended to blog EVERYDAY in November, otherwise I’d be a big ol’ failure!

2. Still sick. Thankfully, I actually feel pretty amazing today- to bad I’ve completely lost my voice and I’m starting to like the taste of cold medicine.

3. Chris’ birthday party was fantastic, and thanks to the aforementioned cold medicine, I was alert and had fun. Plus, I made 2 different cakes for him. You can see those on my Instagram over there —->

4. Friendsgiving was also amazing! Since I still work retail I don’t get to have normal holidays with my family. I’m sadly used to it by now, and just make other times with them special. Thanksgiving is now a great excuse for SO MUCH OVERTIME!

5. It’s been super cold here. Being California it’s technically mild, but also being California it’s cold as hell. I think I’m busting out the electric blanket next week.

6. It time to officially start planning and making goodies for my niece’s birthday in December. Since I’m the best aunt ever I’m hosting again and painting/creating a huge photo area. Little Mermaid, here we come!!

7. Today I did nothing. I changed from pjs to other pjs, made food and watched a lot to TV. For someone that can’t not do things, that’s a pretty big deal.

8. Tomorrow I have to wear pants 😦

Reflection (Novemblog 8)

When I was 5 I lost my father to a very short battle with cancer, he was only 37. Eleven years later his younger brother lost his 2nd battle with cancer, at the same age. My mother watched her older sister suffer with a long battle with bone cancer when she was in her 20’s. My mom has had skin cancer, thankfully treated and gone. I’ve had many other members of my family fight cancer, some more successfully than others.

So, why all this cancer talk?

Someone I work with is fighting a hard battle with testicular cancer. He’s tired, he’s frail, his body won’t be able to continue much longer. He’s as comfortable as he can be made at this point, surrounded with family and friends, good thought, positive vibes and loving prayers. The last time I saw him wasn’t too long ago, maybe 4 months, he has already started treatment and was looking positively toward the future. How he got from there to here I’ll never know, and it isn’t my intention to speculate. What’s hitting me too strongly, what’s really bringing this home and causing reflection is this: he just turned 30.

Seeing someone that I can relate to so easily fight such a hard and intense battle with cancer is forcing me to work through residual issues of my own. I’ve never really dealt with my father’s death, none of us have – my two brothers are just like me, we’re emotional clueless when it comes to death. We tend to look the other way, internalize sad feelings and play the “rock” that hods everything together. It’s not until I’m driving alone at night or hopped up on cold medicine and can’t sleep that I start introspection.

I lost my dad at 37, my older brother is 37 now. I couldn’t imagine life without him, I couldn’t imagine having to bury him, having to tell my future children about how awesome their uncle was. In contrast, at my age my mom had 2 kids, a sick husband, was moving her family 300 miles, and was just about to find out she was pregnant again. How easily these things are overlooked. I never realized how young my parents were when my father died until my brother got to the same age. All these fears I have about losing my family starts coming up when things like this start to move around my brain. I think we all glance over our fortunes, not because we are ungrateful, but because we haven’t been made to count them. I guess that’s the definition of blissful ignorance, most people will never appreciate those little bits until they’re gone.

I’m not entirely sure of my intentions here. Sometimes you just have to get this stuff out of your head. Nevertheless, go hug someone you love, make future plans, celebrate little things, snuggle tighter, kiss longer, eat good food, and have the happiest life you can.

back to our regularly scheduled shenanigans tomorrow…

-Sam